Pardon me.

I'm writing this post out of the weird feeling I am having which also equate that it is not a good time to blog. I don't mean to hurt anyone so pardon me like what my title is saying.

I was hoping that something good will happen but it didn't till now. I know that holidays are in even though exams are not over but I should realize that I still deserved a proper break after what I had been through this year. Nothing is going my way and nothing is. I've planned so many things to do during holidays besides all the madness revision, only to realize that I need to do all by myself if no one is free.

Now, what I feared most is the difference that will break everything apart. Thus, I shall conclude that I am not ready about anything. The feeling is weird, all I blame is myself. I wanted a happy ending but it doesn't seems to be happening. I'm earning my way to get what I want, but it's hard. Something pulling me back and it's like I don't deserved anything.

Plus, I'm distracted with my body. I get it, I'm fat and I weigh 8965712350931625kilograms! I used to not care, I love whatever I was wearing and just accepted the difference I had in me. Nothing seems to bother. But it changed in a split seconds and that's fast! I never want to feel this way, like never but I am now, currently. I wish I can lose weigh as fast as I gain some. Nevertheless, it's impossible- like really. I used to not being hurt with some indirect fat jokes people will say but now I will be badly affected. Even though I will forget it soon after.

Everything sums up: I want to do all the things I've planned. I don't want any difference to break anything apart. I want to eat comfortably again, that's all and not looking fat like now. I want to drop two size down before my birthday. Help? ):